Yesterday I was so exhausted from all the crying and screaming and I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep and never wake up, terrified that if I was awake I'd actually have to think of reality. It didn't matter – the pain was so sharp anyway. I miss you so much, and no words are enough to explain how I'm feeling right now.
I miss your smile. You were always smiling, always happy – I looked so much up to you. You always lit up the whole room – you were always the life of the party. And you had a heart of gold. In many, and all, ways, you're my hero. I feel sorry for all the people who didn't get to know such an amazing person like you, but also deep pain for the ones who now know how it feels to lose you.
You're the most beautiful person I know. I'm a little too pained and devastated to really be able to find real words, or to write something better. Right now, the only thing I know is how much I love you, and how terribly I miss you, and how I just want to see my brother again, hug you and hear your voice and see that smile of yours.
I miss you so, so much. I love you dearly. I wish I could tell you that.
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